I've never been very good at time. I experience three times-- past, present, and future-- and these are never broken down into smaller units. If it happened in the past, then it's in the past and I can't be any more specific than that. I just literally cannot place it in the grander scheme of time. Ask anyone who's been friends with me ever. "Hey Kels, do you remember that book you were telling me about last week? Maybe the week before?" True story. But even though I'm not great at time, it was certainly different in college than it is now. In college, time moves very quickly. There's so much packed into every day, that it seems like everything couldn't possibly fit into just one Friday- but it does. You have so much control over your own time; you can do your homework whenever you schedule it, socialize when you want, or even combine the two. The only obligations you have are 1) a part time work schedule and 2) classes (but even then we choose whether to go to class or not). The largest block of time you measure in is semesters, which are mere months. Time is not like that after college. Time moves slower. Multiple years replace a single semester. And this is the reason I now hate this question "So, what's God teaching you right now?" In college there was always an easy answer to this question. When in doubt, cite last night's Bible study passage. In the midst of relationship drama, friend group troubles, and essay deadlines, who wasn't learning a million little lessons in every tiny moment? It's easy to learn new things when every moment contains a new thing, when your life is a big, constantly-in-flux scramble of hectic.
But if you ask me what God's teaching me now... um, sorry, but how should I know? I haven't learned it yet. You know what I do every day? I wake up. I go to work. I come home. I apply for jobs. I read. I go to sleep. Sometimes I even eat and/or shower. There is nothing new, there are no surprises. Time is constant, and therefore so much longer. The metaphorical seasons of my life don't line up with neat little semesters anymore, and neither do the lessons I'm learning. We don't tend to know what we've learned until, well, after we've learned it. It's after we overdraw on our bank account that we learn to budget. It's after the heartbreak that we learn how to better guard our hearts. It's always retrospection that allows us to say, "yes, I see what God was teaching me. I see how I've grown." We are never able to do this in the moment. My moments are longer now. But just because I can't answer your question, doesn't mean God isn't working in my life. Rachel Fruit and Labor
1 Comment
Ariel
2/24/2015 05:17:43 am
Mmmmm. *snaps fingers*
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