I knock twice on my coworker's office door, and enter without waiting for a response. She swivels around to face me as I enter.
"Thanks so much for coming. I have no idea what's happening--it worked yesterday!" "No problem! We'll check your benefits build and some system-level settings first, since those are more likely to cause the problem you're seeing. Can you open your records?" This is a simpler problem than the usual; a minute in, and we find the source of the issue. "Look here," I circle the mouse around a table on the screen. "When you build these records, you have to link them by--" "Are you single?" my coworker interrupts. I try to re-interpret her question to make it fit the context of what we're doing, but there's a limited number of ways to relate that to health insurance benefits. "Uh, yeah. Anyway so once you have your limit you need to add--" "Why are you single? Do you like it? Don't you want to get married?" The constantly recurring questions. "Why are you single? Do you like it? Don't you want to get married?" They usually occur right when I first meet someone and they ask if I'm single, so this was actually far more polite because at least I actually knew the person asking me. Lord, I am sick of them. I am so tired of having to defend the state of not being in a relationship. It's not that I don't want to talk about relationships or am basely offended when someone asks if I want to be married. It's the underlying assumptions and tone that always accompanies them--"Single? But how could you possibly be happy that way? What's wrong with you?" or being treated like a fascinating anomaly, or worse--being "encouraged". "Really? Single? Oh, good for you! Stay strong! I'm sure God will use you to do amazing things!" So here. Answers to all your questions. "Why are you single? - Because I'm not dating or married - Because I haven't been asked out - Because I haven't asked anyone out - Because I'm not interested in dating any of the people I know - Because I'm not interested in dating in general, at least not enough to actively seek it out and put any effort into pursuing it. "Do you like it?" - Sometimes, yeah. - Sometimes, no. - Kind of how I imagine marriage. You probably are grateful sometimes for it and pained other times by it. Some days there are things that make you incredibly thankful and joyful, and some days there are things that hurt deeply and you pray to God in tears for help. But you bring the bad days to Christ, and submit the good to God and offer yourself up either way. - Mostly, yeah, i'm honestly fine with it because I don't see it as a silver medal to marriage. "Do you want to be married?" - Sometimes, yeah. I see the good and potential for growth there. I see how you can serve God from that position. - Sometimes, no. I see the good and potential for growth there. I see how you can serve God from that position. - Sometimes, yeah. I'm really lonely and give into the lie that marriage would help. - Sometimes, no. I think the church doesn't understand how to value singles well and I think I can better be a part of strengthening our family in that way from a single person's stance. - Sometimes, yeah, because I think it would force me to deal with a lot of my most deeply rooted sins. - Sometimes, no, because I remember the image of the woman in The Great Divorce who served the Lord so well from her position, who was able to be a comfort for the single and married, men and women alike. I want to be that. As far as I am from her, I know God could make me into that. Now stop asking me these reflexively. Stop asking me these incredulously. Ask me instead what it's like to live single. Ask me what I find beautiful. Ask me what I find painful. Ask me what God's teaching me. Tell me what God's teaching you. Treat it like a legitimate, normal thing to be, and we'll get along much better. Rachel Fruit and Labor
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