I was talking with a friend a few days ago about how we each handle life's anxieties and mistakes. I made some kind of comment about screwing something up badly, he responded sympathetically "oh wow, that's terrible" and I remarked "What? No! I'ts hysterical!". He was confused, and asked how is it I'm able to laugh at things that most people find really painful.
I've been thinking on that question and I realized it all goes back to one of my favorite books--Ecclesiastes. “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.” I think on these words a lot. Like, daily. I find so much freedom and joy in the utter meaninglessness of everything in my life. Things I'm worried about? Meaningless. Stressed about? Meaningless. Ambitions I strive for? Meaningless. Things I think I can't live without? Meaningless. And in that context, the effort I put into chasing these things, or worrying about them, or fearing them all just becomes so.... absurd. I had this friend in college. He told me when he was a child, he thought eating the crusts of his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches would give him ear infections. Like.... what? I remember crying from laughter as he explained how his child-mind came to a conclusion that he thought was completely logical at the time, but was now one of the most ridiculous things we'd ever heard. But how was he to know that at the time? He was just some dumb kid, too small to see the truth. It made sense to him then. When I look at my life from an eternal perspective, I picture Jesus and I in the new earth reviewing my life. And we watch this mortal-me run around afraid of being alone, afraid of never being loved, trying to find security in comfort, spending all my energy on things that are completely meaningless. And we laugh because we see clearly the absurdity to spending money on what is not bread, labor on what does not satisfy. The things I deeply want won't be satisfied with shallow solutions. The weight of eternity is not in whether I marry, or how well I lead a project at work. It's in my devotion to the Lord and my efforts to see his kingdom come in this world. So when I catch myself despairing over something in this world, I can't help but laugh at myself for caring that much about a mirage in the first place. And once I see the true absurdity of my situation it always gives way to joy for what God has planned in the eternal. Rae
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November 2019
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